Kristi will be Dancing's queen

Jason Taylor and Cristian de la Fuente -- the Incredible Hunks of this season's Dancing with the Stars -- did everything they could to impress the judges last night. Cristian shook his tush like a stripper and Jason actually did strip. His partner, Edyta, tore off his shirt in the final flourish of their freestyle.

But it was all to no avail. Kristi Yamaguchi --  the Gooch, I call her -- blew 'em away.

The only question now is how Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris will fill two hours on tonight's results show with the winner already a foregone conclusion. Kristi got a perfect 60 from the judges, and Jason and Cristian didn't.

Normally, I'd say there might be a chance of an upset, but not this time. Neither Jason nor Cristian is off-the-charts popular, and DWTS needs a female champion. The Olympian deserves the gold.