The Kingpins of Cowtown

Gary Coleman is crazy ...

... and that's why I love the little guy.

Clearly, he has anger issues, judging from his latest throwdown with a fan at a bowling alley in Utah. But you'd be perpetually p.o.'d, too, if you'd grown up on TV with Mr. Drummond and that Hazel-wannabe Mrs. Garret.

Besides, Gary's occasional mad moments are child's play compared to the felonious antics of his kiddie co-star Todd Bridges and Dana Plato, may she rest in peace.

So give a Gary a break. And would somebody please find out the most important detail of this story:

How'd he bowl???

Don't forget to bowl for a record on Saturday

If you didn't already know (and shame on you if you didn't), this is National Bowling Week. It started Saturday, the day before my birthday, and it continues through this Saturday, when bowlers throughout America will attempt to set a record for the most single games bowled in a day.

I kicked off NBW at Cowtown Lanes on Saturday. My family and friends  took me out for my birthday, and I was feted with some awesome bowling paraphernalia, including a clock with pins and a replica of The Dude's bowling shirt from The Big Lebowski. I also received a guilty pleasures handbook -- something I know a thing or two about -- and an "I Don't Roll on Shabbos" T-shirt.

In other words, it was a perfect day.

But the fun doesn't have to stop there. Don't forget to do your part on Saturday to set a record. You'll even get a nifty certificate, and a place in bowling history.

The Olympics is in the gutter

I was saying to friends last week that I can't muster much interest in the Olympics (beyond the political trainwreck possibilities in Beijing).

Why? Because bowling, despite some reports to the contrary, is not part of the Games. That's one reason.

Bowling poobahs are working hard to undo this injustice. And you can see here that when the time comes, U.S. bowlers will be ready. In the meantime, I must get one of those wrist guards with the sensors in it.

Heads will roll, literally

This is a very unfortunate use of bowling technique.

Fresh Prince of the lanes

With the release of Hancock today, Will Smith is everywhere. But he's not where I'd like him to be, which is in a bowling alley with me. He's always been high on my wish list of celebrity bowling partners, especially after I heard that he has rented out a bowling house in Miami for his birthday party in the past.

I couldn't find any video of him bowling, but I did find a Fresh Prince clip where he tries to teach a hapless Carlton how to roll. It's painful, literally.

Bill Engvall's back, finally

If you've been watching the marathon NBA playoffs, then surely you've seen 4,536,901 promos for Bill Engvall's sitcom on TBS.

Good news. The show is finally coming back on tonight. So maybe we can get some relief from the Big Bill build-up. In today's Star-T, Robert Philpot chats with Engvall, who grew up in Dallas and is a proud member of the Blue-Collar Comedy tour. And now, if you hadn't heard, he's the star of his own sitcom on TBS!!  (Make that 4,536,902 promos.)

But perhaps you didn't know that I bowled with Engvall and his fellow BCC guy, Larry the Cable Guy. It was in '03 at Cowtown Lanes, and I remember Engvall was a decent bowler. He rolled a 127, but probably would have done better if he had his ball, which is clear and has a Bud bottle in it.

Bowling's going to Disney World!

The Mouse House is planning to build a 100-lane bowling alley in Orlando to attract tournaments and bowling fans who think they can kick Donald's tail on the lanes.

In other rolling news, Nelly is a bad bowler -- and when I say bad, I mean good. (It's what the kids are saying.)

Come to the Papa, bowling hall of fame

Try as it might to resist the gravitational pull of beautiful Arlington, TX., the Bowling Hall of Fame could not and now it's official:

Bowling's Hall of Fame is coming to town, which it will take its rightful place alongside the Bowling Proprietor's Association of America, the United States Bowling Congress (which is moving from Milwaukee), Six Flags, and the Kingpin of Cowtown's headquarters (near the crapper on the third floor in the S-T building in downtown Fort Worth).

I know we all think that Albino Bowler is a first ballot hall of famer, but I don't want to get his hopes up.  Inducting an albino action figure into the hall of fame is unprecedented, so we'll try to be patient.

Meanwhile, let's all rejoice because we live in a bona fide bowling mecca!!!

Blind perfection

I've never bowled a 300. Never even come to the 10th frame with a chance at it -- and I have 20-20 vision.

So it is with deep admiration that I salute Dale Davis, aka The Hammer, a blind bowler from Iowa who rolled a perfect game recently. Davis, a WWII vet, is all of 120 pounds and riddled with health problems, but the 78-year-old just keeps on rolling.

And I love that he got his 12th and final strike on the "Brooklyn" side, proving that everyone needs a few breaks in this life. Way to go, Dale.

A few more bowling notes:

Congratulations to Lynda Barnes, who struck out in the 10th frame to win the Clash of Champions, which was televised yesterday on CBS. How exciting not only to see a woman beat the guys, but also bowling on national TV! There is hope.

Finally, we bid adieu to Bill Hargrove, who at 106 was the world's oldest league bowler. He died four days shy of his 107th birthday. Thanks for the inspiration.

Listen to me on the BBC

As promised, here is the interview I did with the lovely and talented Jane O'Brien of the BBC about bowling in America. The report was sandwiched between a fascinating piece on the murderous Mungiki tribe of Kenya and the plight of Arab-Israelis.

Don't ya just love the BBC.