The Kingpins of Cowtown

Justin Timberlake spoofs Jessimo at ESPYs

The ESPYs may be the most useless, self-congratulatory awards show going -- which also makes it one of the more entertaining to watch. The show, taped this week but airing Sunday night, is just ESPN's excuse to bring the beautiful people of Hollywood and the sports world together in one ballroom.

Call it Synergy on Steroids.

Justin Timberlake is the host, and he's the perfect Hollywood sports wannabe. A great golfer who hangs with plenty of athletes, he seems to have a little more room to make fun of sports' biggest stars.

Photos from the show suggest he does just that. Check out the Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo spoof.

He also takes aim at the Celtics and David Beckham, among others. Should be worth watching. Here are a few photos to whet your appetite.

Bill Engvall's back, finally

If you've been watching the marathon NBA playoffs, then surely you've seen 4,536,901 promos for Bill Engvall's sitcom on TBS.

Good news. The show is finally coming back on tonight. So maybe we can get some relief from the Big Bill build-up. In today's Star-T, Robert Philpot chats with Engvall, who grew up in Dallas and is a proud member of the Blue-Collar Comedy tour. And now, if you hadn't heard, he's the star of his own sitcom on TBS!!  (Make that 4,536,902 promos.)

But perhaps you didn't know that I bowled with Engvall and his fellow BCC guy, Larry the Cable Guy. It was in '03 at Cowtown Lanes, and I remember Engvall was a decent bowler. He rolled a 127, but probably would have done better if he had his ball, which is clear and has a Bud bottle in it.

Who was that famous person, anyway?

At first I think, "Why didn't I come up with that?" and then, "There's a reason ..."

Tania Cowher, a commercial photographer in Austin, "thought it would be fun to provide everyday people with the experience of being a celebrity," according to her Web site, Celeb4aday.

For a nominal fee (for people like us) we can live the dream: have our own personal paparazzi follow us around on a downtown outing, fall over themselves to snap our picture outside the concert hall, pepper us with questions like, "Where's Britney?!" and create a scene as they loudly greet us at Planet Hollywood. Famous.

Evidently there's quite a market for this, and of course there would be. Cowher's company has expanded to Los Angeles and San Francisco. (Can Cowtown be far behind?) Time magazine recently featured this trend.

TV did a bit on it this week, showing a guy on the street getting caught up in the excitement of a Celeb-4-a-Day nobody lit up by parazzi. He quickly pulls out his camera-phone, clicks a snapshot of her and turns and asks, "Who is that?"

It's Amanda, duh!

-- T-Bone

'Mary Ann' likes the 'Mary J...'

Hang on!

It's enough to take your breath away. Dawn Wells, aka Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island, busted with marijuana in her car. Sweet, wholesome Mary Ann. She claimed on her arrest for driving erratically that some hitchhikers she'd just dropped off were smoking the ganja -- or something.

How embarrassing. At 69. In fact, she was supposedly returning from a surprise party for her at the time.

Some couldn't resist the urge to poke fun. And I guess it could be worse. But I can think of a couple of guys who are undoubtedly rolling over in their graves.

Or maybe not. As one showbiz Web site said at the time, "We always knew Gilligan was enjoying more on that island than just coconut cream pies."

Casts new light on Mary Ann's farm-girl background.

-- T Bone

In defense of JessiMo, part deux

This is really uncalled for. Seems a few Carolina Panthers fans buy into the whole Jessica Jinx thing, so they've set up a website called RuinRomo.com, and even give instructions on how to create a Jess Head on a Stick.

They think having a sea of Simpsons in the stands on Saturday night will help them. (I say a decent QB is what they really need.)

You've heard my thoughts on all the JessiMo bashing. But it won't stop till Tony tosses four TDs, I guess.

AND DON'T LOOK NOW ...

The Cheeseheads are getting in on the act. Their Jessica mask has a Santa hat on it.

In defense of JessiMo

Maybe Tony Romo just had a bad game. Ever consider that?

It's easier to blame his girlfriend, I suppose, because she's a celebrity and because she's got a reputation as being a bit of a flake. (Hey, if you don't, you're probably not a celebrity.) And if that helps Cowboys fans and the sports media deal with Tony's down day against the Eagles, so be it.

Jessica will take the heat for her hunk. She's a good woman. And that's what part of being a celebrity super couple is all about. You go, JessiMo.

Romo and Simpson have kept quiet this week, and let lathered-up fans and media swarm on this non-story like rats on day-old Gruyere. You're being be played, people. Romo stunk -- not unlike he did against the Bills and the Lions, except this time he didn't find a way to win. Hey, he's allowed. It's a long season.

Tom Brady stunk last week against The Jets, but he got the W. Nobody's blaming his model girlfriend.

I blame Fox, which tried to take the focus off its bore of a game, by showing gratuitous shots of Simpson in her suite seat and pink jersey. And I blame Joe Buck and Troy Aikman, for their tee-hee commentary. It was bush league for the network's best announcers.

So go ahead, if you must, and blame Jessica. She'll be your Yoko. But I say: Long live, JessiMo.

(Hey, is that mini-Romo in the photo trying to make time with Tony's girl?)

Enough about what's-her-name

Best line in sizing up the aftermath of the Paris Hilton-Larry King CNN interview last night comes from an NBC Today Show analyst:

"We just lost an hour of Larry King's life."

Larry even seemed ready to move on late in the interview. After jawing with Paris, he looked into the camera to tease to his next interview:

"Paris Hilton. Tomorrow, Colin Powell."

Maybe some of the media are finally finding their souls in this wall-to-wall Paris coverage.

US Weekly, that guilty pleasure when you're waiting in line at the local Wal-Mart, will be Paris-free -- no coverage, not even a mention of the city of Paris, France (no word on Paris, Texas).

On MSNBC's Morning Joe this morning, anchor Mika Brzezinski had enough and tore up her script about Paris.

Here, behind the supply cabinet in Kingpin of Cowtown headquarters, we'll observe our own No-Paris ban.

Check our neighbors at the Pop Cultural District blog for further Paris posts.

Tommy Cummings | tcummings@star-telegram.com

Paris is free again

It could be the strangest jail release we'll ever see.

As Paris Hilton walked out of the Los Angeles jail facility in Lynwood, Calif., just after midnight, the smiling socialite was at first moving contritely, waving a bit, shaking hands, then gaining catwalk confidence as she made her way down the brick walkway and closer to freedom.

The last few yards she sprinted toward her mom's arms and into the Hilton family's black SUV.

Very surreal. Paparazzi were everywhere. Flashbulbs lit up the night. Except for the stoic deputies here and there, it could have been a glitzy awards show.

All morning, people have been saying it -- all that was missing was the red carpet.

No kidding.

It certainly wouldn't have been out of place to see Joan and Melissa Rivers somewhere behind the velvet ropes criticizing Paris' sage jacket over a white shirt, dark skinny jeans and white heels -- or getting snarky about her ponytail or minimal makeup.

You wonder what's next for our socialite.

TMZ.com reports that Paris has lost about 10 pounds, so her next order of business will be making a Taco Bell run. You can bet that Taco Bell ad execs are spitballing the opportunities at this minute.

And why not? Other people are trying to make money off her 23-day stay, such as selling her alleged jail trash on eBay to selling "Free Paris" T-shirts.

Stay tuned.

-- Tommy Cummings | tcummings@star-telegram.com

Buy some Barker on eBay

If you just can't let go of Bob Barker -- and really, who can? -- you can bid on one of the signature corded microphones he used during his amazing run on The Price is Right.

Bob signed off on his last showcase this morning -- and you can watch his last show again tonight on CBS -- but you've only got a few more hours to bid on eBay for the mike, which started at $5.55 and is already up to $19,818.

All of the proceeds go to United Activists for Animal Rights, as well they should. We'll miss ya, Bob.

Touchdown, Tony and Carrie!

In my ongoing effort to be a shameless gossip monger, I'm passing along this juicy rumor:

Tony Romo, QB of America's Team, and Carrie Underwood, the former American Idol, are getting engaged, according to a "friend" interviewed by InTouch Weekly, which means you can take it to the bank, or at least the ATM.

A day doesn't go by without another ridiculous Romo rumor. Recently, I read one that said he thinks the Cowboys are going to win the Super Bowl this season ... Oh, c'mon!

Don't go looking for Tony and Carrie's registry at Target just yet.