The Kingpins of Cowtown

Concerts in the gardens; poison in my ears

I took my family to opening night of Concerts in the Gardens, one of those rites of summer that I really love about Fort Worth. And it was a fun night. My son dashed around with another boy, waving glow sticks till their arms nearly fell off. And because it was late May, the temps were bearable and mosquitoes not too ravenous.

But I must ask: Has any band every butchered the Beach Boys' harmonies the way the Crawfish did? Just because they wore Hawaiian shirts and smiles on their faces didn't hide the fact that they were dreadfully off-key; turtles were ducking their heads back in their shells.

Help us, Rhonda. Help us all.

The headless Beatle? Ringo decapitated

He may be known as the funny Beatle, or the least talented Beatle (who at least married a Bond girl), but now Ringo Starr can be known as The Headless Beatle.

His mop top got lopped off of a topiary that was recently unveiled outside a Liverpool train station. The rest of the flora and Fab Four-a went unpruned.

In a recent interview, Ringo was quoted as saying he didn't miss a thing about Liverpool, which led newspapers in town to blame local vigilantes for the beheading.

I'd rather blame Yoko. ... For everything.

Tubas and Tetris

L.D. Bell and Richland high school bands are among 90 bands from around the country competing in the Bands of America Grand National Championships. Preliminary competition is today and tomorrow. Read our story here.

Question is, how will their performances compare to Cal's halftime show from a couple weeks ago? I guess the high schoolers performing today weren't even born when some of these video games came out, but it's hard to beat this rendition of Pong, Tetris, Mario Bros. and more. Check it out.

-- J.C.

Calling all Rat-a-tat-Scat packers

People who are hipper than I -- and that describes the entire populace of Fort Worth/Dallas -- may want to know that a new hangout for jazz cave dwellers is slated to open in early December.

Video goddess Kristin Campbell, who is much hipper than I, alerted me to the news about The Scat Jazz Lounge, which will occupy the basement of the old Woolworth building at the southeast corner of Fourth and Houston streets in downtown Cowtown.

If I can stay awake past 11 some night, I'd like to check it out.

Keeping the Faith-ful at bay

"You ain't woman enough to grab my man's .... privates.!?!"

Maybe Faith Hill should record an updated version of the Loretta Lynn song, because at the couple's concert Saturday in Lafayette, La., a handsy fan grabbed for Timmy's gusto. And Faith was not amused.

In fact, she castigated the fan from the stage, never missing a dance beat. Watch the video at TMZ. (How do they get this stuff?)

No such funny business during the country music supercouple's concert Sunday at the AAC in Dallas. But we do think there's a country song in here somewhere. That's what we'll be spending the rest of the day doing here behind the supply cabinet. Who knows? Maybe our song will even make the next list of top 100 country songs. They could even record it at Big Balls of Cowtown.

Hey, it could happen.

Finally, an Albino hero

The Albino Bowler has often bemoaned the unfair depiction of albinos in popular culture. So you can understand why he's thrilled to see Brother Ali getting some love from the mainstream media.

If you haven't heard his rhymes, what are you waiting for? Now if the brother can bowl, the sky's the limit.

Clay gets bad for the Tulsa show

Take it from a former Okie, you haven't made it in showbiz until you've played The Old Lady on Brady in Tulsa.

Giants from The Marx Brothers to Katherine Hepburn to Jerry Seinfeld have played the historic venue.

Saturday night's show: Clay Aiken.

Oh, he's a platinum-selling performer, but a former American Idol contestant is not exactly the kind of headliner that made The Old Lady on Brady what it is.

Maybe that was Aiken's motivation on the plane ride in Saturday. He made headlines after an incident on the plane. Something about a foot being on someone's armrest followed by a shove.

It wasn't much, but it got Aiken some pub. They know he has some spunk and isn't always such a nice guy.

And in the eyes of some music-loving Okies -- who only react to Idol contestants because it might have something to do with Carrie Underwood -- the incident validated Aiken's status to play The Brady.

Tommy Cummings | tcummings@star-telegram.com

Pete Townshend, eat your heart out

For every man, woman and child who has ever danced around in their underwear pretending to play guitar, a la Tom Cruise in Risky Business, the air guitar heroes of America salute you.

The Star-T's video blog goddess Kristin Campbell was on the scene last weekend for the Air Guitar Championships in Dallas, and let's just say it was a scene. Check out her video report.

Before you mock these faux rockers, know that some traveled halfway across the country in very old, smelly vans to compete. The winner gets 1,000 bucks, a trip to Finland -- and, look ma, no blisters.

Willie, is it something we said?

Hope you didn't have plans to spend July 4 at the Stockyards with Willie Nelson and his pals.

He's packing his picnic basket and heading to Washington State this Independence Day, the first time his annual drinking and music orgy will be held outside the state of Texas. And news, at least to me, that this year's picnic wasn't being held at the Fort Worth Stockyards, like it has been the last couple of years.

Shame, really. But Willie, who turned 74 on Monday, has always been a free spirit. And he's always had cash-flow issues.

Feelin' ancient

Welcome to Day 442 of my midlife crisis. The hairline is receding, the waistline is protruding and the music is getting too loud.

(I get no sympathy from Albino Bowler here, as he never ages and his hair never moves.)

I could barely stay awake last night at the Madeleine Peyroux concert at Bass Hall, and my one-line review?

I've seen enough stand-up base solos to last a lifetime.

Might as well plotz

Put away the spandex. The Van Halen reunion with meshugena frontman David Lee Roth is off.

But breakout the Yoko Ono and one-legged dancer jokes. Heather Mills is among the new roster of celebs on Dancing with the Stars.

OK Go ahead

Since we're sure a lot of people were scratching their heads when the members of OK GO hit the red carpet at the Grammys, this might help. ...Or it might lead to more head scratching.

You may remember OK Go for their mind-bending and masterful treadmill video.

Every check you cash

After a triumphant reunion on The Grammys, The Police are headed out on their See Us Before We Die tour. They follow in the footsteps of other near-death rockers The Rolling Stones, The Who, etc.

The Police come to American Airlines Center on June 26. Tickets range from $50-$225.Think I'll be in Thailand eating a $25,000 meal.

Dixie Chicks still splittin'?

The Albino Bowler is a faithful readers of the tabloids, and he reminded me that the National Enquirer and Star magazine swore earlier this year that the Dixie Chicks were going to call it quits after the Grammys.

They were tired of all the criticism, the rags, um, I mean tabs said.

Well, after a five-for-five night at the Grammys, will they go out on top? Natalie Maines looked like the perverbial Chick that swallowed the canary as she accepted award after award, particularly the one for best country album. So it seems unlikely.

But the Chicks are anything if unpredictable.

If Natalie goes her separate way, how bout Carrie Underwood as a replacement Chick? Would that make Tony Romo a Mr. Chick.

The possibilities seem endless. We just love starting rumors ... just like the tabs.

The Prince of all media

No doubt that Prince was the best thing about last night's Super Bowl. And it was a great touch to jam with the Florida A&M band.

But if the Super Bowl producers thought they got away with no naughtiness during the halftime show, they would be wrong. Check out Prince's protruding shadow puppet.

Next year at halftime: The Smothers Brothers