The Kingpins of Cowtown

Freaky Five: May he rest in Pabst Blue Ribbon?

Chicago Man to be buried in beer can coffin.

Until he's on ice, the owner is using the casket as a cooler -- really!

Substitute teacher fired for practicing wizardry.

He tried, but failed, to make students disappear.

Father prosecuted for flying Jolly Roger at daughter's birthday.

What a plunder!

Boy retires Favre jersey after wearing it for four straight years.

Somebody call child services, please.

Chocolatey breath exposes candy-bar thief.

Police snickered as they cuffed him.

Freaky Five: When animals attack

It's hard out there for a hedgehog ... and a bull... and a camel:

Man accused of using hedgehog as weapon.

Tough turkeys pecking on postal workers.

Angry townspeople put destructive bull behind bars.

Gender-bending dress-up day at elementary school sparks outrage.

Crown prince pays $2.7 million for beauty-pageant winning camel.

Freaky Five: Toxic toads and flying spaghetti?

Flying Spaghetti Monster lands outside Tenn. courthouse.

Politician wants to declare open season on toxic toads.

Burglar on the lam tries to play dead at funeral home.

Hello, 911: We have a cow in our pool. (Video)

Pro tennis player smashes himself with racket.

Freaky Five: $10 million toilet paper?

In Zimbabwe, $10 million will get you 2 rolls of toilet paper.
So, can you spare a square for $27,000?

LA company creates greeting cards for your beloved behind bars.
Shanks for the sentiment, dear.

Canadians try to "Caddy Shack" pesky gophers, start grass fire.
Um, it's a Cinderella story...

Woman pulls gun on deliverymen who refuse to take off their shoes.
No biggie. Last week, she threatened to kneecap the gardener.

Russian shepherd sues space agency over fallen rocket parts that nearly crushed outhouse.
This guy doesn't take any crap from anyone.

Freaky Five: Cavalcade of cops nab stolen doughnut truck

Along the lines of man bites dog, we've got ...

Nine police officers chase down stolen doughnut truck.
The thieves were said to be glazed and confused.

Workers p.o.'d about Qwest's suggestion they use portable urinal bags.
Human resources suggests additional potty training is required.

Mom arrested after 6-year-old daughter pulls off bank job.
Her two-year-old was driving the getaway car.

Man gets stolen Mustang back -- 38 years and 300,000 miles later.
Boy are his feet tired ...

World's most expensive apartment goes for $240 million.
But that includes free cable.

Freaky Five: Bathing with your cell phones?

Dialing 1-800-wacky, for your reading pleasure:

Nearly half of Japanese bathe with cell phones, poll shows.

Strip club patron says he was blinded by dancer's stiletto.

Distraught man to auction his entire life on eBay.

Swan breaks up with swan-shaped paddle boat.

Schoolgirl stops runaway bus; gets detention.

Freaky Five: Skeleton found cradling beer mug

Bottoms up, from six feet under ...

4,000-year-old skeleton found cradling his beer mug.

Honor student stripped of VP job for buying Skittles.

Woman sues American Airlines after passenger masturbates on her.

Corn flake shaped like Illinois gets big bids on eBay.

Millions of bees loose on California highway.

Freaky Five: Sex in the park, sleepin' in class

Amsterdam to legalize gay sex in public parks.
Gives a whole new meaning to going Dutch.

Spaceship house for sale: It's outta this world.
Bet there's no foreclosure crisis on the moon yet.

Man's proposal goes kerplooey when balloon (with ring) flies away. Dumb a--!

Student to sue for being woken up in class.
Somewhere, Jeff Spicoli is smilin'.

Couple claims likeness of Jesus Christ on their bedroom door.
Buddha appears in their potato salad, too.

Freak Show: If celebs moved to Oklahoma

Having lived in Kentucky and now Texas, I'm not a big fan of regional bigotry, but this is pretty freakin' funny.

Freaky Five: Women and bunnies behaving oddly

Woman burns husband to death for not washing his feet.
I guess sex was out of the question then?

Woman stuck on toilet for 2 years had phobia. Ya think...
Or she was determined to finish reading the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Easter egg weighs as much as 9-year-old boy. Bunny quits in protest!

Short people more prone to jealousy, scientists say.
They particularly hate Randy Newman.

San Marino home has a honey of a problem.
For Pooh, this is paradise.

Freaky Five: Men behaving very badly

Hitting 'em where it hurts:

March Madness a good time to get a vasectomy, clinic says.

George Clooney has a ball (or two) with cosmetic surgery rumor.

Town gets anal about ad mocking its name.

Woman found frozen in Rubbermaid container -- with sake.

Pitcher who shoots hogs from a helicopter may draw balk from fans.

Today's Freaky Five

Let's talk about the birds and the bees ...

Women in stilettos dash for cash. See how they run.

Beekeepers stung by hive heists.

Pro golfer gets a birdie, literally; charged for killing hawk.

Fainting fireman sues to get back up on the ladder.

Angry wife burns 400 cell phones.

Today's Freaky Five

Trotting across the globe to find silly stories ... Here's today's five:

Irish pub bans 'Danny Boy' for all of March.

Elvis shows up at Kentucky court drunk.

Law bans dying in houses of Parliament.

Cockroach gets his closeup on newscast; reporters, editors get fired.

London puts padding on lamposts to protect inattentive texters.

And a few more ...

What the @$%#?

No swearing in South Pasadena this week

Get paid for catching malaria

Body snatched from hearse

French mayor bans villagers from dying

Today's Freaky Five

It's outta this world:

Russian sexologist to help astronauts conceive in space.

An $11,000 coffeemaker? Good to the last C-note.

Naked actor miffed by opera poster.

No cheer for cheerleaders in China.

Monster croc gets snap happy with fisherman.

Today's Freaky Five

These are the talkers -- and trash talkers -- today:

Japanese pinup credits big breasts for court victory.

Food Network star canned for spicing up resume.

Moms fight over arcade game at Chuck E. Cheese.

Obama thanks Obama (Japan) for their support.

Brett Favre retires; defensive backs weep.

Today's Freaky Five

Hey, hey, it's hot-tubbin' monkeys.

Nepalese goddess retires at age 11.

Man gets shot to avoid work.

On way to anger control class, man punches woman in the face.

Cash giveaway becomes melee; giant tomatoes squashed.

A beastly freaky five

Today's FF is highlighted by animals behaving badly -- or is that people doing dumb things? You decide.

1) Australian woman smothered by camel that was her birthday present.

2) Friendly Florida crocodile wears out welcome after gobbling neighborhood dog. 

3) Bears devour drunken Serb at beerfest.

4) 'Nightmare' tarantula, with big fangs and 3-foot vertical leap, rescued in NYC.

5) Murder plot used rattlesnakes as hit men.

Today's Freaky Five

5) Glass-eater pleads guilty.

4) Couple tries to name baby @ symbol.

3) Sinkhole nearly swallows minister's car: Holy Sinkhole!

2) Duct tape bandit gets unstuck.

1) Britney Spears' new lover a woman.